70 Crappy (but practical) Christmas Gifts for Hikers

(Note: This year’s list contains many of your old favourites, along with 20 new additions. I realize that December 24 is very late for a Christmas gift post, but what the hey, this article has never really been about the pressies. Happy Christmas to everyone, and may your festive season be full of peace, wonder, and at least two or three belly laughs. Cheers, Cam). 

In the 12 years since its launch, the most popular articles on The Hiking Life haven’t been about outdoor skills, backpacking equipment, or trip reports from far-flung locales. Nope, they’ve been about crappy hiker gifts that you can pick up for less than five dollars.

Therefore, after a three-year hiatus, I’ve decided to dust off the festive season favourite and give my thrifty readership more of what they seem to love. Without further ado, if money’s tighter than a hairpin turn but for some inexplicable reason, you feel a sense of obligation to give your hiker buddies something, consider the following 70 gift ideas for under $5 $10.

1.  A Box of Ziplocs – Pretty much everyone takes Ziplocs (or equivalents) backpacking. But let’s be honest, nothing says, “I don’t give a shit about you” like plastic bags for Christmas.

2.  Trail Patches – Ideal gift for hikers that want everyone to know that they’ve thru-hiked the Appalachian or Pacific Crest Trail but aren’t quite ready to take the calf tattoo plunge.

3.  Socks – For less than $10, you may have to go synthetic or even cotton. No Merino Wool or any of those other fancy blends. If possible, try to make your choice seasonal-appropriate. You know the ones with little Christmas trees and snowmen on them……..maybe some reindeer as well.

4.  Dental Floss – In addition to helping to keep your teeth clean, uber-strong dental floss can be used as thread for gear repairs in the field, an emergency replacement for a broken shoelace, and even a makeshift clothesline under your shelter at night.

5.  Bandana –  You can often find these multi-purpose gems at the bottom of outdoor store bargain bins. Potential uses include: towel, water filter, neck protection, pot cleaner, tent drier, pee rag for she-hikers, hanky, makeshift gaiters, useful to wear on your face during sand storms, and handy if you are low on funds and decide to rob a convenience store.

6. Hacky Sacks (set of 6)– I have a few hippy hiker mates that love these little bags. At just over $3 each they represent excellent value, weigh only a couple of ounces, take up virtually no space in your pack, and can make for a fun diversion during long days on trail. With every third set purchased, buyers will receive a complimentary eBook copy of The Gentle Art of Bong and Pipe Making.

7.  Toilet Paper – If they aren’t too picky in regards to softness/quality, $10 worth of bog roll can potentially last the giftee all of a multi-month thru-hike…………at least when supplemented with the stuff they will pinch from hotels, restaurants, gas stations, and classier public restrooms.

8. Titan (or Voile) Straps – Used to hold together two trekking poles when pitching mid-style shelters in potentially stormy conditions. I used this solid setup during my recent trip to the Faroes/Greenland/Lapland (see photo below).

9.  Crazy/Super Glue – Useful for sleeping mat repairs, small holes in tents, and at a pinch, even cuts and blisters.

10.  Tent Pegs – If you want to go fancy, for a $10er you can probably pick up a few titanium stakes. Alternatively, you can buy six to eight of the Army Disposal Store variety.

11.  Plastic Disposable Kitchen Gloves – You can purchase 100-count packs (or more) of these for a song on Amazon. They can be used as part of a layering system for your hands when hiking in extremely cold and wet conditions. For details, see “How to Keep Your Hands Warm While Hiking in Cold Weather.”

12.  Baking Soda – Another excellent multi-purpose item that more hikers should know about. Uses include toothpaste, deodorant substitute, cleaning pots and drink bottles, antacid for upset stomachs, and helps to remove foot odour from shoes. In addition, baking soda assists in relieving itching associated with insect bites, bee stings, and poison ivy/oak.

12. Head Net – Weighs only an ounce or two and can be a sanity saver during the height of bug season. Indeed, when the midges, mozzies, or sandflies are swarming, I’m not sure there is a better value-for-money item in one’s backpacking kit.

13.  $10 Goodwill Gift card – Polyester Hawaiian-style shirts, sun dresses, baggy shorts, 100wt fleece – the list of bargain basement hiker options are almost endless. Avoid socks, undies, and bandanas. There’s cheap, and there’s just plain tacky.

14.  Hand Sanitizer – I haven’t had a case of the trots in the “backcountry” (so to speak) since 1999. I suspect that the diligent use of hand sanitizer is part of the reason. I always keep a small bottle handy in one of the shoulder strap pockets on my backpack (along with sunscreen and lip balm).

15.  Folgers Classic Decaf Instant – None of that fancy Via stuff from Starbucks. The fact that it’s decaf leaves the giftee in little doubt as to how you really feel about them.

16.  Simpsons Bic Lighters – Customised Bic lighters featuring characters and scenes from The Simpsons. While cooking up a feast at day’s end, these little flame throwers are sure to bring a smile to your fellow hiker’s dials. And remember…….

17.  Six-Pack of Ramen – A culinary staple for backpackers. If you really want to make an effort, select singles with a variety of flavours.

18.  Tyvek Groundsheet – This might actually cost you nothing if you can find a piece in a construction site dumpster. Customize the size for the giftee. It’s the little things that count.

19.  Reconstituted Talenti Ice Cream Container – A much-loved mainstay of the cold-soaking crowd.  The Talenti container sports a wide mouth, a screw-top lid, and of course, the not-to-be-scoffed-at bonus of a (semi)tasty pint of ice cream.

20.  Diaper Pins – This one is courtesy of long-time subscriber Gerry B, who wrote that “old-fashioned diaper pins are much larger and stronger than standard safety pins, and I keep a couple hooked to my packs for drying socks or other pieces of clothing.”

21. Dr. Bronner’s Soap: Handy travel-sized variety pack. Weight-conscious hikers can repackage into mini-dropper bottles (see below). Not only are they affordable and practical, but gifting Dr.Bronner’s is a none-too-subtle way of saying, “mate, you really need to work on your hygiene.”

22.  Mini Dropper Bottles (2 Pack) – For almost two decades, I’ve repackaged my hand sanitizer and Aquamira in these tiny bottles for all of my backcountry trips.

23.  Trash Compactor Bag – When purchased in packets of 10 or 20, these babies usually work out to between $1 and $2 a pop. It puzzles me as to why anyone would spend $40 plus for a dyneema pack liner, when a trash compactor bag weighs about the same (a tiny bit heavier) and performs just as well for a fraction of the price.

24. Zipper Cleaner – Keeping tent zippers clean rates just behind laundering your sleeping bag on the list of things hikers are prone to overlook at the end of a long backpacking season. Zipper maintenance is especially important if much of your hiking is done in coastal or desert environments (Tip: Always be gentle with zippers; never force a stuck zipper).

25.  Condoms – In addition to the obvious, the old Johnny bag can also be used as an emergency water holder (up to 2 liters) in case one of your bottles develops a leak. They also come in handy as a waterproof cover for your phone during river crossings. It’s even possible to use the touch screen through the latex – useful for safe sexting.

26.  Bag Balm – Bag Balm now comes in practical travel-sized 1/4 oz tubes. Not only does this stuff works wonders on thigh and bum chafe, but it also comes in handy if you are overcome by the urge to milk a cow while out on trail (i.e. Which was its original purpose when developed back in 1899).

27.  Titanium Sewing Scissors – I have a couple of gram weenie hiker mates who love these things. They tip the scales at only 0.3 oz, and if you add the mini-tweezers from the Swiss Army Classic, you have a gossamer weight combo (0.4 oz), which should cover virtually all of your repair and tick removal needs while out in the field.

28. 3M Micropore Tape – Breathable paper medical tape. Adheres well. I’ve used it for years instead of band-aids and other adhesive strips.

29.  Ibuprofen – Vitamin “I”. A hurting hiker’s best friend. Can be found in many (if not most) hikers’ First-Aid kits. Forget about the name brands such as Advil and go generic. For $10 you can usually pick up a 100-count bottle at most major supermarkets.

30.  Backcountry Bidet / Reconstituted Sports Drink Bottle (600ml) – Cheap and multi-purpose. You can pick one up at any petrol/gas station. Look for bottles with a flip-cap spout. Show you care by including the following instructions and warnings on an accompanying Post-it note:

A. Be sure to fill the bottle to the top before use, as approximately only the first 200 ml are squirtable;

B. Short, sharp squeezes fired at an upward angle of 45° work best, and;

C. Pro Tip: Don’t put the spout too close to your freckle, as accidents can happen, and there’s nothing worse than finding poo floaties in your drinking water over the course of the hiking day.

31. Bleach – Forget about those fancy filters and chlorine dioxide drops. Bleach tastes terrible and may not be very effective combatting giardia and crypto, but what the hey, for $10 you can buy enough to last you a couple of thru-hikes and then put your savings towards a course of Fasigyn.

32. Inflatable Pillow / Wine box bladder – The redneck’s backcountry pillow. For bogan bonus points and a surefire thumper of a headache the following day, pack in a full box and drink it all on the first night of your trip.

33. Safety Sunglasses – Lots of different options. Go for one that offers good UV protection. You can often pick them up for around $10 a pair online or at hardware stores.

34.  Electrolyte Tablets – Especially helpful when hiking in hot temperatures and/or for folks that regularly suffer from muscle cramps.

35. Ultralight Backpackin’ Tips – More than a decade after it was published, Mike Clelland’s Ultralight Backpackin’ Tips still rates as one of the most informative and entertaining books on how to lighten your pack weight.

36. Make America Great Again cap – Practical and crappy. In regards to the former quality, the hat’s brim helps to keep the sun’s damaging rays off your face. As for the crappy part…….well………..

37.  Hand Rake (Set of 2) – Speaking of the porn-star-hushing, document-squirreling, disinfectant-boosting, tax-avoiding, NFT-hawking, election-denying, riot-fanning, wannabee-Greenland-purchasing, former Commander Bankrupt In Chief, one of Trumpy’s most memorable suggestions was to follow Finland’s example in helping to keep America’s “forests floors clean.” Hikers can do their part by picking up a pair of these lightweight leaf scoopers for their next backcountry excursion. They weigh under 12 oz a pair and are easy to strap onto the back of your pack when not in use. With every second pair purchased, buyers will receive either a “Rake America Great Again” or “I Love Finland” bumper sticker.

37. Beer Koozie – Multi-purpose item. Emergency mitten, storage for your DSLR lenses, paw protector if your dog steps on a cactus, and helps to keep that post-hike beer that you left in your car refreshingly lukewarm. Earn gram weenie bonus points by purchasing it from one of your favourite ultralight cottage gear companies.

38.  Therm-a-rest Z-Lite Seat Pad  – When your old Z-Lite has gone flatter than gander’s arch, lob off a couple of segments and gift them to a hiking buddy in search of a bit more back-country comfort during their midday breaks. Alternatively, big spenders can splash out on a new Z-Seat Pad and share the posterior love among three of their hiker friends.

39.  Frogg Toggs / DriDucks Rain Pants – The complete Frog Toggs suit will cost around $22. However, while the jacket may be a functional option for many three-season backpacking excursions, the pants (est. value $0.10) are about as durable as a pair of Altras on anything but manicured trails. Irrespective of the environment, chances are you will blow out the crotch, backside, or rip a hole in one of the legs within a couple of days of leaving the trailhead.

40.  Mylar Blanket (Pack of 10) – A bargain at less than a dollar a pop. In addition to being used in emergencies, space blankets can also be employed as a lightweight ground sheet, signaling mirror, and makeshift tarp.

41.  Baskin & Robbins Pink Spoon –  If you order a sundae at Baskin & Robbins, it comes with a semi-durable, difficult-to-lose, long-handled pink plastic spoon. I used one of these for 2000 miles on the Pacific Crest Trail in 2012.

42.  The Fellowship of the Ring – This is the first part of “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy, and for my money, the best thru-hiking tale ever written. You can generally pick up a used copy for less than a fiver on Amazon. Basically, it’s the story of a diverse bunch of guys who went out for a multi-month walk, got up to lots of memorable adventures, met some cool trail angels, took some zero days, had some differences of opinion in regards to route selection, split into separate groups, stood by each other when times were tough, finished their trips at different termini, and, finally, met up for celebratory post-hike beers on a field called Cormallen at journey’s end.

43.  John Muir’s Works – You can pick up either a paperback or Kindle version of “The Yosemite” and “My First Summer in the Sierra” for less than $5 on Amazon. More than three decades after first reading Muir’s works as a teenager, he remains one of my favourite wilderness writers.

44.  Tenacious Tape – An upgrade from duct tape for out-in-the-field gear repairs to your tent, rain jacket, or wind shirt

45.  Mini Dice – This one is courtesy of my friend, Liz “Snorkel” Thomas, backpacking sage, author, and Queen of Urban Thru-hiking. According to Snorks, “five mini-dice weigh in at grams and provide hours of entertainment for hikers trapped in a tent or shelter on a rainy or snowy day. Good for Yahtzee, Farkel, and anything else you can make up.” A 100-pack will set you back $5.

46.  PeakFinder App – This recommendation is from my old mate, Paul Magnanti (Pmags). While hiking in Colorado’s Sangre de Cristo range in 2016, Mags blew me away when he started randomly rattling off the names and altitudes of every mountain within sight. Just when I thought he was taking the piss, he showed me the PeakFinder app on his phone ($3.99 as of 2022). To use the app, simply point the camera at your mountain of choice, and a panoramic drawing will overlay the image and give you all the relevant details. It currently has information on more than 950,000 peaks around the world (Note: Other useful apps for hikers include PlantNet (free, simple, fast, and accurate plant identifications), SkySafari (easy to use astronomy guide to the night sky), and Knots 3D (take a wild guess).

47. Nan Shepherd’s “The Living Mountain”: Shepherd was a Scottish poet and nationalist who is commemorated on the country’s five-pound note. “The Living Mountain” is Shepherd’s beautifully written testament to the joys and wonders of walking in nature, specifically in her beloved Cairngorm mountains.

48.  Dehydrated Cocktails – Perfect for hip flask-carrying backpackers that want to extend hiker midnight past 9 pm. Flavor options include Mango Margarita, Mint Mojito, and Blood Orange Mai Tai.

49. Personalized Revenge Voodoo Doll – When sharing someone’s trail mix has left you with a debilitating case of the trots, or you picked up a little more than you bargained for during a wild night at Trail Days, gift yourself one of these personalized lightweight dolls (3.2 oz / pins included). Sure they cost a bit over $10, but it’s hard to put a price on a good dose of trail revenge.

50. Backpacking Skills/Educational Books – Much of the backpacking advice you see on YouTube is 90 percent tip and 10 percent iceberg. For folks just getting into the sport, I highly recommend picking up a handful of classic hiking-related texts, which will complement the time you spend out in the boonies in helping to build your backcountry skill set and knowledge base.

51.  The bottom half of a Platypus bladder – When your platy bladder is discoloured, increasingly brittle, and the seam at the top has ruptured, cut it in half and regift the bottom part to an ultralight hiker friend. They can then use it to scoop water from filthy puddles when hiking in red rock country or alternatively employ it as a poor man’s eating vessel.

52. Plastic Shower Curtain – Forget about fancy materials such as Dyneema Composite Fabrics (DCF); the legendary Grandma Gatewood used a plastic shower curtain for rain protection when she became the first woman to thru-hike the Appalachian Trail in 1955. In doing so, she may have inadvertently become the originator of the Poncho Tarp.

53. Spam satchels – America’s favorite mystery meat. Inexpensive, long-lasting, and packed with fat and protein, (in theory) spam seems like it would be a good option for calorie-loading long-distance hikers. Until you actually taste it. I throw up a little in my mouth just thinking about it.

54.  Mack’s Silicone Ear Plugs – Anti-snoring solution. According to their promo spiel, Mack’s “have been saving marriages since 1962.” A must-have for anyone thinking of going from hut to hut in the Alps or hiking the Appalachian Trail during the regular season (Note: As a bonus, I can personally attest that Mack’s silicone plugs work great in the pool as well, for those of us that are prone to swimmer’s ear infections).

55.  Beano Ultra – When your hiking partner is overdoing it on the dehydrated beans, and his or her farts would make a skunk blush, offer them some Beano Ultra to cut things off at the pass.

56. Croakies (or equivalent) – Useful gift for noggin-perching sunglass wearers, such as myself, that regularly scratch or lose sunglasses out in the boonies.

57.  Smartwater bottle – Lightweight (1.3 oz), long, narrow, smooth sides, and reasonably durable, Smartwater is the drinking vessel of choice for many weight-conscious backpackers.

58.  Spiky Massage Ball– Lightweight and compact item that helps to reduce muscle pain and tension in the feet, calves, hips, glutes, and shoulders. For a little more cash, you can opt for a lighter and more environmentally friendly cork option from Rawology.

59.  Handsfree Umbrella Clamp – Functional accessory for umbrella users (especially those that wield trekking poles) that clips onto almost any shoulder strap.

60. Paper Coffee Filters – Cheap-as-chips item that is useful for pre-filtering dirty or silty water.

61. Hotel/Spa Slippers – Tipping the scales at around 70 gr/2.5 oz, hotel slippers are a cheap, light, compact, and comfortable camp shoe option. They are also ideal for backcountry huts when you need to leave your hiking shoes at the door.

62. Sponges – Featherweight, multi-purpose item that can be used as a pot cleaner, condensation dryer, and, if you’re really desperate, to soak up the last drops of water in a shallower-than-shallow pothole (Note: A straw would be a better option for the last point).

63. Blaze Orange Vest (and hat) – Essential kit when hiking during hunting season in many places in the US. In the words of PMags (seen in the photo below): “Wearing blaze orange is good for safety; hunters appreciate it, and it’s a respectful way of sharing the outdoors among all users.”

64. Foot File/Callus Remover – You can often pick foot files up for under $10, but for something as important as your feet, I’d recommend spending a wee bit more for a model that’s going to do the job well and last for the long haul. I bought a Probelle a few years back, and it’s still going strong.

65. Nikwax Down Wash –  For arguably the most cherished (and often the most expensive) item in a backpacker’s kit, it surprises me how many folks don’t take better care of their sleeping bag/quilt. In a nutshell, laundering your bag or quilt once a year will help it last longer and insulate more effectively (Note: If you want to go the extra yard, buy the giftee a few tennis balls to aid in the drying process).

66. Lint –  Makes for a great emergency fire starter. Empty the contents of your clothes dryer’s lint catcher into a tiny Ziploc bag. Throw in some extra lint from your belly button just to give the gift a more personal touch.

67. Packing Pod Pillow – I tend not to use a lot of stuff sacks when I hike, but over the last couple of years, I’ve periodically brought along a couple of SMD packing pods. Apart from being handy for organizational purposes, these brightly coloured pods are also the perfect size to use as a pillowcase, stuffed with whatever clothing items you’re not sleeping in.

68. 100 Wt Fleece – Durable, breathable, and moisture-resistant active wear. An excellent value-for-money item that (more often than not) has a place in my backpacking kit irrespective of the environment or season. They’ll usually cost a little over $10, but you can often find them on special for under $20 or $30.

69. Mini Carabiners – Tips the scale at 0.1 oz/3 gr and can be used for guyline attachments, drying hooks, and hanging bear bags. Poncho tarp users can use them to make a quick transition from poncho to shelter mode when it’s raining.

70. Fanny Pack – Fanny packs are like the fruitcakes of the backpacking world. They get a lot of shit, but at the end of the day, you’ve got to tip your cap to a utilitarian item that simply refuses to go away. Speaking of something/one that’s impossible to kill…………..

Related Posts

• How to Keep Your Hands Warm While Hiking in Cold Weather
• It’s the Little Hikes that Mean the Most
• 50 Signs You May Have Taken Ultralight Backpacking too Far

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